Loud Music makes people drink more booze

Tell the landlord

Booking a gig? Don’t forget to remind them that it is a scientifically proven fact that loud music gets people to drink more beer.

When I was in Led Zep Too, we played a regular gig on a Thursday evening at the Red Lion in Stevenage. One night the landlord’s son told us that the wet sales had broken all previous records. The previous best night had been for a wake after the funeral of a popular regular.

The landlord’s son was named Steve Miller, and so we asked him if he would say that Led Zep Too was better than a funeral. He agreed, but we persisted, asking him if he would actually say those actual words, “Led Zep Too are better than a funeral” so that we could quote him. He obliged and the next day our website said

“Better than a funeral” Steve Miller.

We knew then instinctively, something that Portsmouth university researchers discovered years later. That loud rock music is conducive to beer drinking. We just didn’t know why.

Intriguingly, despite our punters consuming extraordinary quantities of alcohol we also seldom had any trouble. I strongly believe that this is due to the kind of person who enjoys quality rock music. Far from being greasy thugs, most classic rock fans are accountants, lawyers, and indeed funeral directors. ¬†They simply don’t need trouble. Even when we played biker pubs there was little to worry about, although the same did not apply to anyone foolish enough to upset the bikers themselves, the trouble was short lived and happened mainly outside.

So if you can, turn up the volume to 11 and tell the landlord that you are doing them a favour. And make sure you get paid!


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